Censorship and Farts

I have had a very long day and my eyes are sore.. From all of the rolling. Here is where I am, spiritually:

  1. Sometimes, I have to fart and I blame it on the person standing closest to me. Sometimes that person is a teenager. I am unrepentant.
  2. We have lost sight of Agatha Christie’s genius. Somewhere along the line, we decided that sex and violence were more intriguing than a well-executed murder mystery.
  3. Photo editing existed before the iPhone. Trying to explain that to a twelve year-old is like trying to explain to a toddler what the fuck goes into a power line. They have no concept of cameras, film, negatives, dark rooms, or life before approximately three minutes ago.
  4. Do you censor what your children read? I don’t. I like for them to read what they choose to read. The world is a big, wide place. If they’re not exposed to it, how can I possibly expect them to react with a kind and gracious heart when confronted with differences?
  5. WE are all different. Some of us use white twinkle lights and some of us use multi-colored strands. Some of us spend money on things like this when we’re left alone with our phones for ten minutes:

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6. Blackbeard was sort of fascinating. I wish there were more books about pirates.

7. My boobs sweat no matter what bra I wear and I hate that.

8. Last week, I had a dream that my wife cheated on me. I still have not forgiven her for her figurative adultery. It is becoming a problem.

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9. Where I come from, the only acceptable reason for missing the Friday Night Football Game is having dinner with your dad. I left out the part about my WIFE coming because I was afraid the villagers would get their pitchforks.

10. I have the best hairdresser in the free world and my hair was super on point today and no one noticed. They all talked to me like I wasn’t Sasha Fierce.

11. Have you ever looked at another human being and thought, “God, you’re really dumb. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed that before?” I did that today and it wasn’t heartwarming.

12. My dog barks incessantly any time Bae moves. There is no way she can possibly cheat on me. I would be alerted in a skinny minute. I need to let go of Number Eight.

13. I can’t let go of Number Eight. It was a very lifelike dream.

14. I am going to spend the next two days writing a historical romance that involves an immortal. (that’s what you call a spoiler, y’all)

15. Anybody else remember Highlander? I loved that movie.

16. I’m late for dinner with my dad 🙂

 

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